Seizures Suck

Early Saturday morning my husband had a violent seizure. The entire bed started shaking I could hear him struggling to breathe. I reached for the light switch & pulled his C Pap mask off of his face. His entire body was locked up & convulsing. fingers & toes , his back was arched  even his tongue was arched covering his airway. His entire body was dark red. There is nothing I can do but watch him & time it. Make sure he doesn't start turning blue. These kind of seizures if they cut off his air for too long can result in Sudep. So I watch helpless. rubbing his chest saying come back to me, come back to me.
He came to gasping for air saying his chest hurt & his heart was racing. I put the pulse oxymeter on his finger & his heart rate was ok so was his oxygen. He said his head hurt, it felt like it was in a vice. I let the dog out of his crate he wanted to get to Lou so desperately & went to get Tylenol.
I got him all situated, the dog back in the crate & went to write notes in his notebook that the Dr. has us keep for her & disability.  Then I laid there listening to his breathing, the slightest movement on high alert. I worry the next one will be the last one, I won't be there to save him.
Imagine having to leave someone you love everyday with a ferocious gorilla in a cage that has rusty bars. You leave hoping today is not the day it breaks loose. Today is not the day you find he has broken the one you love but you have to leave because you have bills to pay.
 You are in debt up to your eyeballs. trying to pay off credit cards from stuff you bought 8 years ago. You have not used those cards in that long but you maxed them out supplementing your income  while waiting for the government to decide if they agreed with a Dr that said your husband is unable to work anymore. You are slowing getting yourself out of debt & then a hospital visit happens & you are taking money from your 401K to pay it. I know I am not the only person who goes through this, there are alot of us living pay check to pay check. Saving as much as we can  feeling uneasy about money. 
At 6am I get up & get ready to go the grocery store, because life has to go on.

Life goes on : The Kinks

Life goes on.
It happens every day.
So appreciate what you got
Before it's taken away.
Life will hit you
When you're unprepared,
So be grateful and take all
That you can while you're there.
Get that frown off your head,
'Cause you're a long time dead.
Life goes on and on and on.
Life goes on and on and on.