Sometimes life reminds you to slow down

So imagine you are going through your entire life no seizures. You just bought a house, you are making 6 figures, two new cars, vacations every year, you are paying cash for your sons college education. You feel like after all of the struggles you have gone through you are finally able to take a breath & life is good.

Then something weird happens, you have no memory of it but you know something happened. You ignore it. Then it happens again, you continue to ignore it. Your family thinks something is going on but not quite sure. You call your Dr he says hmm, let's get you off of the new med you started for depression, you stop taking it but weird things keep happening, you are losing spaces of time. You ignore it saying maybe I fell asleep I've been tired lately. Your brain finally says HEY STOP IGNORING ME! & puts your entire body into convulsions, you fall out of the chair & put your head through a wall giving yourself a concussion, land on your arm & give yourself one heck of a bruise. There is no ignoring it anymore, you go to the hospital & stay for a week while they try to figure put why you had a seizure.

After that life becomes a whirlwind of Dr's Appts & Specialists & tests. He was allowed to keep driving  until he was at work & went to lunch & never came back. His boss called  & the search was on, it turns out he had been in a park having seizures for the last 3 hours, no one helped. He finally came to after his phone was ringing off the hook  & asked for someone to come get him. No more driving..

Then the seizures start happening at work, the people he worked with start alienating him, he was not part of the " group" anymore. The company asked him  to work from home, even though he was never late, we  rearranged our lives to make sure he got to work on time.   It's like a kick in the gut, not long after that they " eliminate" his job. He searched all over for another one, but not being able to drive or get through an interview without " zoning out" is making it difficult. The Dr sits us down & says he can't work anymore, she is putting in the paperwork for permanent disability  another punch in the gut. It's ok we will be ok... we find out he will get the maximum disability pays per month it's only  25 % of what he was making.

A month later our son moves out to bring his girlfriend across the country, at the lowest point in your life. This women is insisting he needs to get her an apartment to live in & one where she can bring the dog she just decided to adopt, so the affordable 1 bedroom  apt he found is out & he winds up paying  double & she moves here & does not work for at least 6 months but lies about it.

You are stressed beyond belief, you are worried about the deep depression your husband is in. You are worried about your son & his ulcer he is throwing up everyday from the stress. You are at a job where you are unhappy but unable to leave because you need the insurance, you feel trapped. You finally have to rip off the band aid & sell one of your cars you kept putting it off hoping things would go back to normal but they don't. Your mother in law starts dating & makes her new boyfriend a priority, even when they wanted to do surgery on her son, she says she won't be there she is going to be away ( 2 hours away mind you) with her boyfriend. The absolute rage boiling inside you is coming to a head, you almost feel like you are outside of your own body banging your fist on the table cursing & screaming , all of it, all of the hurt & disappointment & stress is bubbling out , until you feel spent, physically exhausted, sobbing a deep guttural sob  unable to catch your breath.

Then one day it clicks & you start thinking this is my new normal & I'm going to be ok. The sun seems to be shining again, the stress is subsiding. You realize if your son makes stupid choices thats on him. Your boss arranges for you to get paid for all of the extra hours you have been putting  in ( if only that was retro for 14 years). It only took 6 years but you have started to feel ok & realized life was telling you whats important & to slow down.

Something to be proud of: ( Montgomery Gentry) 

You don't need to make a million, just be thankful to be working. If you're doing what you're able, putting food there on the table, and providing for the family, that you love. That’s something to be proud of & if all you really do is the best you can, well you did it man.