If it's not one thing it's my mother

My mother & I have always had a strained relationship. When I hit about 5 years old I started getting more independent , wanting to pick my own clothes & do my own thing. I didn't fit her mold. I had curly blonde hair , ( it's still curly just gray now) & My father would make her brush it straight. I was never allowed to wear it curly. It wasn't until high school that I started wearing it however I wanted & it drove them nuts.

I am sarcastic, strong willed & opinionated, everything they thought girls should not be. When I turned up pregnant at 18 they were less than thrilled ( understandably so) and my mother tried to get me to sign over custody of my son. I refused, then I would catch her teaching my son to call her Mommy & my father Daddy. To say it was f'd up is an understatement.

Skip forward 13 years to when my Dad died suddenly  of a heart attack on the front lawn. At the funeral, I wanted to be a pall bearer, my uncle said my mother said she needs me in the limo with her , I said ok. So I stood there waiting as they brought my fathers casket out , crying, then I went to get in the limo, she said there is no room for you & shut the door in my face. My son got out of our car & came & got me & walked me back to my car to ride to the cemetery. In that moment my attitude towards her changed. I just couldn't deal with her anymore.

My brother insisted she move 2 1/2 hours away from her friends to live near him & she did. Right before she was moving she asked if I would come visit her a few times a year, I was honest & said no. I have held up my end of the bargain on that, ( I have not been there in 2 years) About once a year she calls crying  that she doesn't have enough money ,she has run through almost all of the money from selling her house & my dads life insurance, spending it at Boscovs, out to lunch & Kohls. When my husband was still working she called looking for financial help, I said Ok, BUT you need to hand over all of your credit cards & bank info. I will go over everything & you can have a monthly allowance, I will pay the difference of what you owe. She did not like that idea, she wanted me to give her money no strings attached.

During her monthly calls the subjects go as follows, lack of money, how great my niece & brother & sister in law are & how helpful they are. ( not my nephew though). All of her shopping trips for stuff she doesn't need & the trips she is taking with money she doesn't have. Then it goes on to my son doesn't call her, I don't call her etc. It usually ends with are you going to come & see me before I die, to which my response is " when do you plan on dieing" ? My son says that to her now too.

lately her phone calls are racist rants, so I end those quickly, because when I have tried to correct her, she just argues & I wind up more aggravated.

It has gotten to the point where when I hang up with her, I dance around the house doing jazz hands singing  I don't caaaare. How freeing it is to not care anymore, not need or want her approval & just not care.

Who says just because someone is a relative you need to put up with their BS?
If it's not one thing it's my mother for sure