And now the financial crisis

At 5 Pm yesterday the president of my company sent out a video message saying they are cutting pay UP to 40%. It would take effect in our next paycheck. We won't know who is getting what taken away until next week HR will contact each of us separately. My husband started crying. My boss texted me to call him. My friend from work in San Fransisco texted because he couldn't believe it.   My phone just started going crazy.

 So now I had to assure my husband that it was going to be ok. I said I am the queen of saving money. I will call the credit cards & ask them about Hardship repayments, where they will lock my cards from use but significantly reduce my interest. We have enough food for the next 6 weeks in the house & I don't have to put gas in the car. We are going to be ok. 
 I called my boss, he assured me that it's a sliding scale & he went to the president of the company & said listen her husband is disabled please take the minimum amount from her check. I thanked him profusely & said I'm just glad to still have health benefits. He started to cry I could hear it in his voice. I said Listen we are going to be ok. I started listing the positive things, hey at least we don't have to put gas in our cars right now, & we still have health benefits & the stimulus pkg is coming so we can supplement our incomes with that. It's going to be ok. 5 years from now when we are telling stories like we do, we will talk about this phone call  & how we made it through. He said yeah I know.
 We are going to be ok was my mantra to everyone I spoke to, my son, my husband, my boss , my friends from work. I think it was just as much for me as for them.

This morning at 1:17 am I woke up in a panic attack, thinking will it all be ok? I got up & walked around in circles around my kitchen table. Running the numbers of how much my expenses are & how much my husbands disability check will cover. Mortgage, gas, electric Cable/internet ( so I can continue to work) ,  meds. Credit cards I will see what I can do to reduce payments. At this point I don't know how much of my check they are taking away so I will have to wait & see. I went back to bed & layed there awake for about 2 hours, praying trying to clear my head. I have to stay calm on the outside because if my husband gets too stressed he will have more seizures.

It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok

Carrie Underwood:

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
And save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

It comes in waves

 That overwhelming feeling of Anxiety. If I watch all the doom & gloom on the news I start getting chills & every little ache & pain has me convinced I have contracted the virus. Yesterday I took my temperature 3 times just to be sure. I had a dry throat & chills so I was convinced I was sick.
 I prayed about it last night before going to sleep. Please give me the clarity I need & keep all of us healthy. Please Lord watch over the people in the world & help people with their anxiety in these trying times.
 Then I switch gears & start thinking about my vegetable garden & the mammoth sunflowers I have growing on my window sill waiting for it to get warm enough to plant them outside. To me the garden & planting things is a reminder that life goes on. It will go on differently for sure. This pandemic will change the way people around the world do things. Maybe they will slow down & appreciate things more but honestly I doubt it. As soon as the shelter in place ban is lifted people will be out racing around in their cars, going to the malls to spend their economic stimulus pkg check.
 So today I feel ok, the anxiety has subsided. the sun is shining & it will be 60 degrees. I did not watch the news this am, just looked up the weather & texted with a guy I work with making sure they are all ok.
 I don't know what tomorrow will hold or even an hour from now, but right this second I am ok, my family is ok & my friends that I love are ok. So in the scheme of things that is what is important.


Todays song is a little Reggae :

Fortunate Youth : Peace love & unity
it's the vibe it's the vibe, and I know that you feel it tonight
Take some time, make some time, sit down relax and tell me just what's on your mind
I know you need all my strength, together we can ease the pain
Children, oh my children, please don't cry
We saying peace, and love and unity, yes we bring it across the sea, 

Lets try & look at the positive

Every time I turn on the TV everything is about Covid-19 & the negative impact it's having on the world. The death toll, how many people are sick, people fighting over toilet paper etc. So I decided I'm going to focus on the positive.

Arnold Schwarzenegger son reported that  he was at his 3rd store looking for TP & some lady asked if he needed some she said well I have two in my cart you take one this way we each can have enough.

The canals in Venice are so clear you can see fish in the water. They have not been this clear in many many years due to boat & ferry traffic.

Over all pollution is way down because factories are closed & people are not driving anywhere.

People are spending more time with their families, playing board games or watching a movie.

There are young healthy people volunteering to drop off food from the grocery stores to people that have to be locked inside.

In Italy people are standing on their balconies & singing to each other.

Movie stars & singers are posting free concerts & talent shows on line to keep peoples mind off of whats going on.

The bottom line is this, we have made it through 9/11, Hurricane Sandy  & we will make it through this because when the worst is happening we as human beings will band together to help each other. Even if it's just a simple hello from across the street to a guy walking his dog & a shout of stay healthy. Just so we all know we are in this together.

When you Believe:

Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood

 

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes

 

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

 

Mmmyeah
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain

Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I can't explain

Seeking faith and speakin' words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)

Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill (Mmm)
Who knows what miracles
You can…