My son is turning 30 this year

It seems weird that he is going to be 30. I wasn't even that old when I had him. It's like I blinked my eyes & he doesn't need me to tie his shoes or zip his jacket anymore.

 I was 18 when he was born, I had a rough pregnancy, on bed rest because I kept going into labor. They put me on a pill to stop the labor until he was strong enough to be born  & 5 days after I came off the pill I started having back pains. I called the Dr at the clinic & the nurse said come to the hospital. I took a shower first not knowing I was putting him at risk & drove myself to the hospital.
 When I got there they hooked me up to all kinds of machines & I waited. The nurse comes in & says are you moving around, I said nope, the next thing I know I was surrounded by Dr's & an anesthesiologist when I would have a labor pain his heart would slow, he was in distress & needed to come out now. They said do you want to be put under or just numbed? I had no time to think I said put me under. The nurse took off her jacket laid it on the bed under me & said I need  to break your " water" I said ok. She came with this loooong needle & next thing I knew water was gushing everywhere, one the floor, her jacket was soaked & so was I. They wheeled me down the hall I counted backwards to 5 last thing I remember is looking at the clock & then I woke up in recovery.
 The nurse came in I had no idea what I had, she said what?! I said what did I have, she said a BOY!!! & took my bed from the recovery room & wheeled me down to NICU to meet him. There he was in his little chicken incubator 7.8oz with bright red hair, he was a month early & his lungs were not strong enough yet. She lifted the lid I said he buddy I'm your mom he reached out his hand to me & gripped my finger. In that instant I knew we would be inseparable, I would slay dragons for this little boy. All of the strength I needed to get out of the abusive situation I was in , was there in that little grip.
 My ex tried to throw him into traffic on rt 35 when I said I was leaving, but by the grace of God he gave me the words to calm the situation & get my son out of there. Thankfully he was only 6 months old when this happened so he doesn't remember anything. I do though.
 I raised him on my own for a year & a half, we were & still are inseparable. I arranged my work schedule so I spent days with him & nights at work. I missed tucking him in 3 days per week but I got every day with him.
 I look at him & I still see the little boy that would climb in my lap & hug me around the neck & say I love you mommy. Now when he hugs me, I almost come up to his shoulder & his hug is alot stronger, but he's still that little boy that reached for my hand & grabbed my heart & never let go.



 

Sometimes it's just nice to see someone smile

 Tomorrow is my friend at works B day. To be honest I never thought I would wind up being friends with her, she's nutty & by nutty I mean nuttier than me. It turns out she is super caring & loving & just a good person. So I got her a candle & a card because I won't be in the office tomorrow &  I didn't want to miss her day.  She hugged me & said I love you. It was just nice to make her smile because she has alot of personal stuff going on right now.

 Last week I was in training & there is an older guy in there that just talks about his dead wife all the time. At first I felt like I wanted to roll my eyes, but once I started talking to him I realized he's just lonely. He lives by himself in a big Victorian house & he's almost 70 but still has to work to make ends meet. He's a history buff & said he would love to volunteer at a museum as a tour guide. On the last day of training I said hey George it was nice to meet you, have a good weekend. He smiled.

I realized driving home it doesn't cost anything to be nice to someone. But it might make them feel like a million bucks.

It's not always easy believe me there are days I want to knock someone out, but I'm gonna try to be nice instead because it always makes me feel better to not sit in the negativity too.


For the friends I haven't met yet:

Your Song: Elton John
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Tomorrow is valentines day

 I grew up in a time before every kid had to be included. We would decorate a shoe box & put it on our desks, the teacher would let each kid drop their valentines into the other kids  boxes. Some kids would have an over flowing box, being the shy reserved kid that I was I would have maybe 3. One from my friend Paula who was the super smart kid that nobody except me played with & then maybe 2 sympathy cards that the kids parents made them bring a valentine for everyone.
 I felt left out & sad but it was ok, because it made me who I am today. The person that seeks out that person sitting alone at lunch to just say hows it going as I walk by, or notices someone with a new haircut & even if it looks like it was done with a weed wacker will still say you cut your hair, it looks great!

I remember in Highschool, we had a Horticultural shop & people could order a rose to be sent to you in class, my senior year my friend Vinnie brought me a rose with a card that said I think you know how I feel about you. I seriously had no idea, & said said yeah you are like my best friend. He just looked at me & walked away.I'm an idiot & couldn't tell when someone likes me. I friend zoned him & had no idea what I was doing, we did stay friends though & every guy I dated he would point out everything that was wrong with them. After graduation he joined the Navy & I didn't hear from him again, I hear he is married & has two kids now. Honestly he was cuuuuute & sweet & smart & if I had a clue I would have dated him for sure BUT then I wouldn't  have my son so I wouldn't trade that for a bazillion dollars.

 To me valentines day is more than just for your significant other, it's your friend that talks you off the ledge when you are feeling stressed. Your cousin that drops everything to sit with your husband when he fractures his spine. Your son that is always there when you need him. The guys  that you work with that check in on you when you are being quiet.

So to all those people that are there for me, I love you , I'm glad I have you in my life. Happy Valentines day!


Today's song lyrics ( no artist needed) : I get by with a little help from my friends

I sit at my desk & dream about vacation

I had to cancel my vacation this year. I have other expenses like getting the dog neutered ( $500 YIKES) that are more important. I also wanted to give my son an excellent 30 B day ( $1000 on that but you only turn 30 once). A certified used car Don't even want to think about the payments on that. Now listen I'm seeing two concerts this year so I'm not crying boo hoo for me. I just wish I could take a week for vacation.

I sat & talked to my husband  & said I'm sad that I had to give up vacation for responsibilities, all of my life is just one responsibility after another. He said I understand you work hard & I want you to have vacation too, he said go without me, that will cut your expense in half. (I  would never do that, I don't even go more than 25 minutes from my house without him because I will worry. Also because I want to do things with him , not leave him home.) We decided that November 2022 ( the year of my 50th yikes!!!) we are going back to Disney.

Some people think I'm crazy going to Disney for vacations not only the expense but they think it's for kids. They just don't see what I see. For 7 to 10 days depending on my budget. My husband smiles, he's not thinking about being sick. He rides the rides he can & eats ice cream at 10am. He laughs & buys himself a T shirt which he never does. We talk & laugh . I wish we could hold hands  but his balance is bad so we can't. He sits by the pool with my son & tells him stories from when he was younger & they laugh & bond. For 7 to 10 days my husband is the guy I met 27 years ago, care free & not sick. That little bit of Disney magic that people talk about actually exists.

So I drive into work thinking about vacation & I sit at my desk thinking about vacation. I read my weekly Disney blog & dream about vacation & I go to bed dreaming about vacation. But it's not really vacation I'm dreaming about, it's one week with my husband enjoying life & smiling.


When you wish upon a star: Jiminey Cricket

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do